Whose Alimony?
Part One The front door to the apartment opens, letting in the only light to the darkened rooms. The relatively tall woman steps in, hanging her purse on a hook with a half dozen others just like it but of different color. She drops her keys on the table and heads to the right to the fridge. Pulling it open, she grabs a bottle of water. Snapping off the lid, she tilts it up and begins to empty it into her mouth. As she downs the drink, we take a look at her attire, which seems mismatched. She has a lycra skirt that goes down to her ankles, giving her a more formal look. It looks very stretchy, following her every move but also quite tight. Her lycra tank top gives her the look that she just left the gym, showing off her fit arms, tight stomach, and cleavage to spare. Finally, her shoes resemble a flip-flop, giving her a very casual appearance. As to colors, everything matches perfectly, so she obviously planned it that way, but her style seems odd to say the least. Finishing the water, she drops it in the trash and heads to the bedroom. Crossing that threshold, she begins stripping, not even bothering with the lights. Her lycra-ware slides off easily, finding itself being pitched near the clothes hamper. She does not seem to notice, as she moves to a strange looking workout bench. Straddling it, she positions herself on it like riding a motorcycle. Laying on her belly, she careful inserts her breasts into the holes on the cushioned bench. Resting her head down into the hollow end, she pushes the start button on the side. With a quiet hum, the “workout” bench vibrates as she repositions her feet and hands on the sides. Looking closely, you can see her body sinking down into the bench for a few seconds, only to rise back up. With no other fanfare, she sits up. From her silhouette, we know she is missing something now. Her chest is now flat, completely flat. As she stands up, her waist is not so tight, her sultry curves now gone. But most surprising is the added weight, just below her waist. It looks like she has… “Man, I need a beer,” comes the deep voice, “Hope the game is still on.” Removing the long hair, he or she drops the wig onto the chair by the bed, revealing a clean shaven head. Walking out of the bedroom, he pushes the answering machine button. As it processes that, he grabs two beers from the fridge. Opening one with his mouth, he spits the cap into the garbage with the water bottle. As he passes the machine he hears, “message one: (male voice) Oschianna, don’t forget we are at O’Mulligans if you wanna come.” Smiling, he mumbles, “Not in your lifetime, sleazeball.” “msg 2: (female voice) Patton, your 9 o’clock canceled tomorrow, so your first session is as 9:30. Bye!” Smiling again, he says, “Great! An extra hour of sleep.” “msg 3: (male voice) Yo, Pat, it’s Rog! Call me, bud. It’s been forever.”I know it, miss you too Roger-buddy, he thinks. “msg 4: (female voice) Hey, Pat, it’s me, Shirley. I just wanted to see if your alimony check could be a couple of days early. I hate to ask, because you have somehow managed to make your payments every month now and it has been great stability for the kids. I know I appreciate it, so if you can’t, I understand. (long pause) Thanks.” With TV blaring now, Patton can only think on that last message. *Why do I hate someone that I still love so much?*Finishing his first beer, he pops the next top off and watches another score by the opposing team. Glad I did not bet on this one, he thinks. Course, I would not have bet on me either a couple of years ago. After the divorce, he had to pay alimony like all men, but his golf pro job was not enough. For him, it is the dream job: play a round of golf Saturday morning, teach rich people to play all day, wrap up the day with another round, then come home and repeat on Sunday. “Take the rest of the week off,” he whispers with satisfaction. But then the alimony amount kept going up, as his lawyer had to pay his own alimony through his court cases. Patton was stuck paying 3 times the normal amount, but he was locked in now. As much as he hated having a higher payment, he would do anything for his kids…anything! That was good, because he needed another job. There were none to be found and that first big payment was coming quick. There were ads for humannequins but only female openings. The pay out was huge (how could you make so much for doing so little?), but how could he work that? His buddy in the visual arts business sold him a Transgendinator for basically nothing (a year supply of golf lessons). With some quick modifications, Patton became Ochsianna of Russia (he really did not like the whole Russian thing, but the machine alters his voice, giving him a slight Russian accent). The Transgendinator makes a woman out of a man, and vice versa. It will add female breasts, shift the hips slightly as it removes and stores the man’s unit, while slimming the waist and face. The process is mostly painless, but not quite. So, Patten uses it Monday morning and stays Ochsianna all week. On Friday night, she becomes Patton for the weekend. His cover story matches well enough for the not-so-nosy neighbors: Patton and Ochsianna live together as a couple. Their jobs have alternating shifts, so you rarely (actually never) see them together. He must have drifted off thinking about it all, because the room is getting brighter from the sun rising. Checking the clock in the kitchen, “6 already?” rubbing his bald head, he rushes to get a quick shower. Exiting the bathroom, he dresses in polo and khakis. He adds a crew cut wig, applying some added scalp glue to hold it tight. Picking up the gold bag and hat, Patton heads out the door, ignoring the keys on the table, but grabbing another set hanging on the opposite wall. Down the lift 8 floors, he strides out to his car. Popping the trunk, the golf bag is in and he is on the road within seconds. Like every Saturday and Sunday, he enjoys every part of the weekend. He gets to play 4 rounds of golf for free in Holo-golf Tower. Each floor is filled with many rooms, allowing paying customers to play any course they want in history in any weather. You bring real clubs and the Holo-golf Tower does the rest. Since it is so realistic, you still need a golf pro to help you out, leaving Patten with the best job in the world. Unfortunately, it is probably the least paying job as well, which led him down the road to modeling clothes for big retail stores. ...